(the 411 on self pleasure)

Words by Jenna Schreck

So it’s a new year, and you’ve decided to carve some time out for self care. Not just any self care…pleasure filled self care (nudge nudge wink wink)…aka some time touching yourself as you would a lover. 

But where do you start? 

If you were to touch a partner where would you start? You wouldn’t go straight for the penis or the vulva and only spend a few minutes there would you? (Okay, okay maybe for a quickie every once in a while, but we like some tantalizing exploration in our lives). 

So let me ask you—why do most of us inherently go straight for our genitals in an attempt to bang one out real quick and then when we don’t cum either feel unsatisfied or like we didn’t do something right or are having an off day? Here’s the thing, it’s all about our societal programming. And unfortunately, we’re programmed to think ( a ) we should always be on ( b ) it’s up to someone else to give us pleasure ( c ) if we don’t cum there’s something wrong with us. Let’s get this straight, it’s okay to be on, it’s okay to not be on, it’s okay to cum, it’s okay not to cum and just find pleasure in the moment, it’s okay to have a partner pleasure you, and it’s also okay, not to mention so totally important, to find and cultivate pleasure-filled intimacy for yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with learning how to turn yourself on (in fact, it should be more encouraged!). You’re not being selfish–self pleasure is a healthy and natural part of life and there is zero shame in spending time getting to know yourself a little better. And while I definitely have a favorite vibrator and you might, too, I encourage you to drop it for a few nights and see what happens. *gasp*

Try creating a different—or multiple different—neural pathway(s) to pleasure.

You know exactly what your vibrator is going to feel like. Your favorite speed / setting. Your favorite positioning for it on your clit / area of your vulva. Your favorite way to grind against it. In fact, you can likely estimate the exact amount of time it’s going to take you to cum if you fantasize about the right thing or have a good visual or audio situation going on. Am I right?

What would happen if you didn’t know what was going to happen? If the goal wasn’t reaching for that orgasm. What if the focus was on feeling the different types of pleasure that can be cultivated in this human experience. Think the feeling of your own finger gently tracing your nipple—or your nails digging into your own shoulder blade—or spanking your own ass. Your imagination is literally the only limit. 

Are you inspired? I hope so. In case you still need a little help, here are three spicy ways to kick off a solo pleasure practice:

  • Run your fingertips slowly and gently up your thigh and back down and back up, teasing yourself but not yet touching your vulva (…but maybe work your way there…slowly 😉 ).

  • Warm your favorite massage oil or lotion in your palms and gently start giving your neck and shoulders a self massage. Move that massage to your breasts and start exploring sensation with nipple play.

  • Turn on a song that makes you feel like a goddess. Start moving your body to the music. Take your hands and let them touch your face, your lips, and then drop them down your neck, your chest, feel your hips. Sensual dance with yourself. Feel yourself up. Bonus points for watching yourself do it in front of a mirror.

More non-vibe self pleasure inspo can be found on my new digital mag herpleasurejourney.com, which Oshihana founder, Lindsay will be contributing to in the very near future. Always here to support your pleasure-filled journey!

XO Jenna

Jenna is a cosmic love and wellness writer aka the lady behind @nowheylady, as well as an energy healer, holistic nutrition consultant, kundalini practitioner, and divine femininity coach. She thrives day-to-day with multiple food allergies, sensitivities, and chronic disease and shares her personal experiences with literally everything from navigating modern dating and relationships, to post-pill hormone balance, to the gut and brain connection, to her spiritual and sexual journeys, and healthy recipes between it all to keep the body glowing from the inside out. You can find her on nowheylady.com or book a healing or coaching session with her here.

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